Alessandra Patti

FindYourWay Coaching - Zurich

info@findyourway.company  +41(0) 76 407 44 64

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The paradox of giving too much

October 25, 2017

 

On Valentine's day, I thought about sharing a thought. The eternal paradox that not even scientists can find a solution to. The fact that, when people pull away from you or stop giving you, or do not respect you anymore (in a relationship, in a friendship, even within a family), the guilt is more often on the "giver" than on the receiving hand. Somebody asks you "Why did you give that much, then?", as if giving would be a bad thing to do. Especially after a relationships is over. Like if you could go back in time and behave differently.

 

And all I can think is: what a paradox. We spend time investing in relationships, in compromising, and at the end, when we give too much, looks like it's wrong. The next question would be: how can the most caring person all of a sudden not being the victim but the perpetrator? "He/She got used to you being like that! It is your fault because you gave way too much" I  have heard from people.  And what is the definition of too much? Is this unconditional love? Because if it is, lucky the person that receives it, I would say!  We should not be scared of giving, as long as it makes the giver feel good too, if it feels natural. No games, isn't that a dream?

 

I propose we stop with this paradox. And actually thank the partner, the friend or the family person for the attentions and the sacrifice and the caring they give. Maybe we could change the world's perspective if only, for once, we would transform the TOO MUCH into the "Wow I'm so lucky I have this person who loves me unconditionally". Go ahead and answer this, if you agree, by naming the person that is "too much" but is adding value to your life :I

 

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