If you are a "juggler" - speak up
Jugglers are usually temperamental. They are not naturally temperamental (in certain cases too, but not necessarily), it’s just that they are basically mad at themselves.
Why? Because deep down they know that they are doing too many things and they are too busy, but they just can’t help it. Or at least that is what they say.
I called Michelina, while she was just juggling, as usual. I told her something important about the date of my trip to her, and instead of being happy towards me, because I was actually announcing the date when I’d show up, she acted angrily, for what I later understand was a juggling moment.
Apparently she was driving, buying olive oil, having a conversation with my aunt and needed to be an hour away from where she was because of her upcoming Math private lesson. Who wouldn’t be stressed? But hey, she forgot a small detail. She was also listening to me- she should have mentioned she had no time and that I could call back. Instead of doing that, she did the same thing jugglers do: inserting me as well in her multi-tasking moment.
You see, this is because jugglers feel guilty if they do not attend immediately to their duties, especially if it is family calling. I am aware that I am important to her, but we have been through this. I don’t want her to talk while driving (she would tell me the same over and over again: ,Ale, be careful when you drive and when you cross the street) – and yet, she listened to me, going on about my flights details. Instead again, of interrupting and asking for mercy and for a later call, she shouted “OK!! You don’t have to give me all these details now!” -? Perplexity in my voice “but.. mm, we said that I would let you know the dates of my trip as soon as I could look for a flight…u ok?” – she then told me what she was up to. But then, this was 10 minutes later!
What has happened here: she felt distressed, she did not communicate it. She felt guilty telling me to call back. Small things to do, but that for the jugglers are very hard.
Results: temperamental behavior, coming from nowhere (to the ear of the interlocutor, because I did not know her situation in that precise moment); conflict and probably delay of her lesson, because she was listening to me. Mini-disaster…
Coaching moment and encouragement behaviour:
1) Please communicate it, when you are unable to do something. You are not a machine, you are a human and cannot do 689 things at the time and save the world like Superman. Remember, he had Kriptonyte, so he was not immune to anything. On top of that, her was also Clark Kent- a clumsy journalist who was not able to do everything and could access his powers only under particular conditions.
2) You risk to hurt the people around you, by not telling them what you need. Why? Because you unconsciously resent them for asking your attention and presence at that moment. So it is better to assert that you are busy and would love to talk to them when you have time and can give full attention.
3) Do not feel guilty about that. Guilt would be much more intense when you realize the conflict you provoke by not talking.