I have been thinking several times to write about this topic, and finally I managed to put my thoughts together on this one. Some of the things I will say to you are not easy to accept, but I believe that they are important to say.
When somebody has difficulty saying NO to the loved ones, or virtually to anyone who is important in his/her life, this person is put into the category of "people pleasing", which I don't always like, but let us use it as a reference to irrational behaviour around a person we love.
When you have the feeling that you are constantly giving a lot, and you still resent it, please check what is happening inside you and why you are saying yes to your loved one, when the loved one is requesting something absurd from you. I give you some practical examples:
- You are in love with someone who clearly does not correspond you, or has stated it. However, you continue to do anything you can to please that person. Guys, wake up! If the person in question is respectful and polite, then you are lucky. If the person is not, YOU CAN BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF. It is simply a reality. If this person continues asking you for favours or more commitments in spite of seeing you suffering, then you need to learn about your self-respect and your worth, before really saying YES.
- You are the only one taking care of a particular task at home and, no matter what, you never ask your partner to replace you on that particular one. Even though you know might need some help. It feels like you don't want to ask or don't want to "disturb" the other. Remember, you are a team! There is no dictatorship or subordination there.
- Family. Family can ask you to go the extra mile, simply because they are family. I am sorry, it is not always possible; you can also say NO, to something that might affect you, your time, your finances, anything. You have your reasons. Helping is always important, but we cannot RESENT. If we resent, we maybe said yes too fast.
An important thing for me in love has been the following learning point: you have the right to change things, even if the other person is used to what you guys have always done- well let them get used to the new you! You have the right to say what you need, even if it is not always easy, because being in a TEAM does not have to be always easy and peaceful for you.
I help people in their values and self-care, and I would be with you if you want to start your journey on this topic too...