It is an illusion to think we have all the time in the world. But it is also an illusion, saying that we don’t have time AT ALL. Time is a gift we give to ourselves, and we can refuse to accept that gift and deny the possibility to make time and to enjoy that precise time, as well as enjoying the present moment.
We are prone to the future, like it will be the realization of our wishes and on the future happiness. Many things have been written about how to stay focused on the present.
However, according to my experience, the first exercise to do is to limit the anxiety related to time. Even if we meditate, or we stay focused on the present, we only limit the anxiety to a certain amount of time per day. And then, anxiety comes back. We need to tackle it as a mindset.
TIME BLOCKS CRAZINESS
In my past non-assertive life, I used to pack my time with events. The reasons were multiple. I wanted a lot of excitement in my life, I’m naturally sociable and love to have many kinds of events, and I had more energy. However, sometimes I could feel the stress coming from saying yes to many events and to pack so many things at the same time. Read this and see if you recognize yourself in those types of meetings. That could be a Saturday.
12-14: brunch with some friends or a one-to-one brunch. Leaving laundry washing at home, with hopes to hang it maybe 6 hours later.
16-17: Another coffee with a friend
17:18: personal grocery shopping
18.00-18.30: grocery shopping is in the fridge and cabinets, now I get ready for the evening
19.15: apero with some friends or one-to-one apero with a friend. Dinner at some point
21.30/22- on: maybe salsa, maybe other parties
I mean, it is indeed exciting. But sometimes what happened was simply one thing: It limited me a lot in QUALITY of the encounters. And even if it could be cool to catch up with many people, I was not catching up with myself!!! I was barely asking myself how I was, what I wanted and how the week had gone by. I was so scared of confronting myself with the fact that my potential to do other things was being buried by my own choices in time.
I don’t say I did not enjoyed it, but it brought me to have less time for me and difficulties to say NO. Since I had created a habit for myself and was seen as the super fun Ale.
However, nobody was expecting that much of me. Except me.
If this is happening to you, remember this sentence, please: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING TIRED AND TAKING A BREAK. It does not make you less, and certainly it does not make people think you are lazy or boring.
So, instead of thinking in time blocks and what you can pack in them, think of wishes blocks
WISHES BLOCKS examples:
Sports, for example
Having a nice long meal (alone or with the family. I was alone at the time, which made me pack my events even more).
Folding things, listening to music. Tidying
WHATEVER YOU LIKE
Getting to know your city, go for a non-goals-oriented walk.
Whenever you recognize what of those blocks you need for that day, establish a timeline that is realistic. Otherwise, you fall into the same pattern. Maybe you don’t need to make a long list. Today my wishes are work, and grocery shopping. Select a time. Maybe today you have only 2 actions. THAT DOES NOT MAKE YOU LESS! Start with baby steps, and record in a journal or video, or audio file, how that makes you feel.
If you need accountability, find a friend or a coach to share this with. This will placate a lot the fear of loneliness and unworthiness, coming from having more time.