Feeling like a criminal. Has that happened to you?
I keep reading posts from coaches I love, about how not to take things personally. Even though I am absolutely aware that, by analyzing things logically, many things that happen are not happening against me, against my very being. They just happen! And yet. I find it extremely difficult not to take certain things personally.
I am having some issues with my driving licence after having had a small car accident in Zurich. Very very small. And yet, the proportions were almost the equivalent of having murdered someone by car in any other country. Red light missed, going 20 Km/h and bumped into another car. Nobody was hurt, minor car damage. Consequences: I am practically paying half of my salary because of this and 3 months no driving licence, plus 2 years of PROBEZEIT. In German this means that you are considered a learner for 2 years, so that you cannot mess up during this period (I got my driving license exactly 17 years ago).
My first reaction was "Why? why has this happened to me? I am a very respectful person, I would have never done this on purpose. I am absolutely almost a victim here".
The truth is that I deeply believe in the fact that I should not feel like a victim. But the consequence of this accident, FOR ME and from my very personal point of view, were so huge and so financially impacting that it is really not possible not to live it as an injustice. Yesterday I was reading about entitlement. And how important it is not to feel that we are entitled to something. Suspend your demands on the world, and you will feel better. Does this mean I should not demand justice? According to my views?
But, how, how can I stop feeling entitled to a proportioned level of justice, according to my culture? I know I live in a different country with different rules, but how do I make sense of this, without feeling I am been treated like a criminal?
And most importantly. If I have lived 27 years in other countries, and my concept of justice is culturally affected, how do I do this? I have found a short-term solution to accept my situation:
- This is just temporary - my boyfriend always says that. It really helps me
- This is not against me - this happens to all people who miss a red light in Switzerland and bump into other cars.
- It could have been worse - this one is gooooood. I mean I usually don't believe in it, because why should I measure my misery with other miseries? I will always lose! there are many more important things in the world. But in this case, it is true. I could have hurt myself or somebody else. So, for this I can take responsibility and move on.
- Re-read my blog post on being good enough. This way I won't feel I am not good enough for tough Switzerland.